Saturday, August 17, 2013

To Hays. Love Mom.

To Hays on the weekend before you start High School:
Dear Hays,

Oh my goodness.  I cannot believe that my first love at first sight is old enough to be starting High School.  You just finished Driver's Ed and you've been working out with the High School Golf team for a few weeks, so I realize that you're growing up, but your first day of High School is a big deal!

When you were born, my very first favorite memories were these:  when you were one day old (we were still in the hospital), I took a shower and I came out of my little bathroom to see Daddy holding you.  He was sitting in a chair by my bed and you were up on his shoulder and you were both sleeping.  That was my first best memory with you.  Then later that night the three of us were snuggled in my little hospital bed and we were lying there side by side watching a baseball game on TV.  That was the first time I remember thinking, "this is my family."  That was my second happiest memory with you.  And since those days in the hospital, we have made so many happy memories together.

You're heading off to High School on Monday and high school can be a big scary world sometimes.  I'm probably more scared than you are--you're so mature and cool and way more pulled together than I am usually.  I'm a wreck on the inside just thinking about sending my little guy to the big bad depths of Durango High.  (I realize that my "little guy" is nearly six feet tall and wears a size 11.5 shoe, so you really aren't a little guy, but you'll always be my little guy--in my mind.)

I want you to know that the people in high school don't really matter.  I hope you make great friends and I hope you have several teachers who you respect as mentors.  I hope you get excited to go to school each day because of the people you will meet.  However, I want you to know that if people don't like you or if there are bullies, they don't matter.  My 20 year reunion was this summer and I didn't go.  My six favorite people in the world are the ones in my home who I didn't even know 20 years ago.  As you make friends, know that only a couple will be forever friends.  Invest your time and energy and emotions wisely.  When you get your feelings hurt, let it roll off because high school will pass quickly and those people won't matter any more.  Those things that are said about you (the bad things) won't matter in four years.  All that will remain is the reputation you leave behind in their minds.  In 20 years, all they will remember is your overall reputation.  I pray that it is a reputation of integrity, I pray that you are known as a young man who is kind and fair and generous and compassionate to all.  I pray that it is a reputation that inspires others to be better.

On the day I brought you back from the hospital, you were sleeping in your crib and I was sitting on the couch with Daddy and I was sobbing.  Daddy asked me what was wrong and I finally sobbed out that I was sad because someday you would be going to college--you were only three days old.  And now, here you are, four years away from that.  I've tried to protect you for the past fifteen years.  I've tried to care for you and love you and train you up and make sure that your life was all it could be.  And now I can't protect you as you walk the halls of DHS.  I cannot protect your heart.  I cannot protect your soul or your mind.  It is all up to you.  I hope you know that I will be at home praying for you and cheering you on.  I am your biggest fan.  My heart will break when your heart breaks and my heart will leap for joy when you do.  I love you oh so much!

There is so much more I'd love to say to you at this time.  The bottom line is that I hope you know that I love and adore you.  You mean the world to me.  You were the first person who I fell in love with the very second I laid my eyes on you.  You are my boy and no one can take that away!  I won't be there physically to protect you or to guide you as you walk in the doors of DHS on Monday, but please know that I am always here.  You're a great kid!  You're ready to spread your wings and fly.  And, aside from the ache in my heart I have as I watch you grow up, I know that you're ready to fly.  I trust you.  I think you will make great choices.  I believe in you!

All my love and all my heart,

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Jamie Jo: This is so so beautiful! I cried and I dont even have kids of my own, so I dont fully know this feeling. thank you for sharing your heart .