Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Heading to Uganda

I'm heading to Uganda tomorrow and I have no idea how I am feeling about that.  I'll be gone for nearly a month and the emotions swirling inside my head (heart) are a little bit confusing.

I have no attachment for Uganda and I would so much rather be going to Rwanda.  That's a weird feeling.  Plus, I'll be in class from 8-6 six days a week, so I won't be seeing much of the country and that, too, is weird for me.

I think the biggest thing is that I haven't really been anywhere alone in nearly 20 years.  Who am I without Andy?  Who am I without my kids (that's even the bigger question)?  I know, I sound pathetic, but it isn't a pathetic "who am I?" it's just that.  I've been a mom since 1998 and I haven't been alone since that time.  I'm heading to school to meet new people and I'm not sure who they are going to meet. . .who is this person sitting in Uganda alone with no kids?  I'm not sure if I can even describe it, but it is so weird!  The last 2 times I've been to Africa, I've gone to get my kids and I had a mission and a purpose and. . . whatever.  This time, I'm just another student.  Yikes!

I'm leaving camp for a month and that is so weird for me.  For the past 39 summers (with the exception of one summer I stayed in Waco), I have been at camp.  I've never left.  What am I doing?  I've got all of my jobs lined out and reassigned.  I'm confident that everything will run smoothly without me. . .but what if it DOES?  What?  Yes, what if it goes great and they realize they don't need me?!?!?

Then there is my family (last but not least).  I'm really going to miss Andy.  He and I are in a really sweet place right now and I just don't want to leave him.  Hays and Tiki are at Kanakuk, so I'm already missing them.  I'll miss Maggie and I'm not going to see her for nearly 8 weeks because she heads to Kanakuk before I get home.  I'm going to miss Gabby, but she will hardly notice I'm gone because she is having the summer of a lifetime, so I'm not worried about her.  And Dax. . .sweet Dax who loves me so much.  He has cried and cried about me leaving. . ."why can't I go with you???"  Sweet buddy.  This could be a great opportunity for he and Andy to have some super bonding!  (Fingers crossed!)

So, I'm heading to school. . .in Africa.  Weird.  I'm excited to meet my teachers and to get a more clear vision for my classes.  That will be good.  I'm a little anxious.  I didn't realize I was anxious until I got to this point in the post, but I am.  I'll be stretched.  Yikes!

Stay tuned. . . . . .


'becca nimrod said...

Uganda is absolutely fantastic. The people are engaging and loving. I have friends in Gulu who would love you, have you in their home & tell you stories. Another friend in Kampala if you are there. Know I'm praying for you & believe you will find another spot in east african will grip your big heart.

Denise said...

You are brave and beautiful and I'm in awe!!! God is doing massive things in all of your hearts--enlarging them...to fill them even more! Praying for you!! xoxo