Okay, I'm not going to do a big political post or a big religious or moral post. I'm just going to post because sometimes in writing I figure things out better. . .and I have noticed that sometimes in my writing (and others reading my writing), I am not alone in my feelings.
So, this morning, Andy woke up long before the crack of dawn and he couldn't sleep. . .therefore I couldn't sleep. So, he pulled out his iPad and started reading the news. And of course, the first thing to come up was that Osama Bin Laden was killed during a mission in Pakistan yesterday. Whatever. At five in the morning, I didn't really think too much about it (I just really wanted to be sleeping instead). And then we began to read more articles and blogs and twitters and everything and I encountered the "jubilee" of many people in the country. And still I didn't think too much about it.
Then I got out of bed and got my day started and I realized that I was really bothered. I wasn't bothered that he had been killed. I was bothered by the reaction of humanity. And I wasn't bothered in a "better than you way." I was bothered in a very confusing way that I couldn't really put my finger on. I just knew that the jubilation of many people was bothering me. Then I read my brother's Facebook post (Brady). All he posted was this: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. --Jesus." And then it hit me that my feelings of being "bothered" were because of the outright jubilation going on in many places in America and by many of my friends. The jubilation over someone's death just didn't sit right in my gut.
Don't get me wrong. I believe that this man was responsible for one of America's most terrible tragedy and for many other wrongs that I'm not even aware of. I'm not going to make this a political or a moral blog. . .I just want to write about my feelings. . .please don't forget that as you are reading. I think that part of me is humbly grateful that he is dead. However, I cannot reconcile my feelings.
The Bible also says "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles." That verse nailed it for me. He is our enemy. He has fallen. I'm not rejoicing that he is dead. I am thankful for the brave men and women who have been trying to capture and/or kill him for a decade. I am grateful for the outcome. But I am not rejoicing. I am not jubilant. I don't really feel any more safe because of it either. I don't feel any better about 9/11. I just feel bothered while being humbled.
One of my other dear friends wrote on her Facebook wall a quote by Mark Twain: "I've never wished a man dead, but have read some obituaries with great pleasure." That made me laugh in my "bothered" state. It doesn't quite go to jubilation, but it is honest pleasure. I don't think I'm at that point (even though I love that quote and it makes me chuckle.)
Anyway, there you go. I'm bothered. I'm a little confused. He is dead and I think I am grateful. I'm not rejoicing. I don't feel like 9/11 has now been paid back or anything. I just feel like, "it just is." He's dead. He just is. Now what?
So there you go. My honest state of being bothered. . .my state of not really knowing what to do with my feelings about the fact that the "most wanted man in the world" is now accounted for. Hmmmmmm.....