Thursday, April 30, 2009

Who will he be?!?!?!??!?!


We are moving forward with our adoption again. Our contact in Rwanda, Tim, is going to head to Home of Hopes and ask the nuns to match the Braner family up with a little boy. We are asking for a boy who is between the age of five and eight who was dropped off at the orphanage as a baby. This is the first time in the process that I have been a little scared. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous. I think a six year old would be best for our family at this time. Young, but not too close to Dax and his "domain." I think I am secretly praying that the nuns will say, "we have a wonderful six year old boy who is sweet and loves adventure; and he has a three year old sister, too." Andy would probably just die with that news, but I really would love it! :)

So, the praying is on. Please pray that God would give us the perfect child (or children) for our family! A child who will mesh with our crazy kids and our crazy life. A child who will not harm our children because he has been harmed in his past. And please pray that God will begin to get our hearts ready for our son/brother! That we will be ready to be so patient when he doesn't speak our language and that we will bond to him (and he to us) just like we did with Gabby (or better). And please pray that Andy will embrace him fully and that he will love his dad! I am nervous and I have this anxious pit in my tummy. This is it and I am SO SURPRISED by the feeling I have inside of me right now!

Also, when you get a chance, watch this video: http://mediastorm.org/0024.htm I haven't seen it yet, but Andy emailed it to me and said that it is one of the best documentaries he has ever seen. It is about some of the Rwandan women who were raped during the genocide and then birthed children as a result. There were over 20,000 of these children born. . .I had no idea! I cannot wait to watch it. . .maybe as a packing break today!

Blessings!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Packing Takes Longer Than I Thought


So, I didn't realize how much JUNK that we have. It is SO crazy! Even after a HUGE garage sale. . .we still have tons of stuff. Today I got all of my clothes and all of my kids' clothes packed up. I thought that would be a huge task to check of (and it is). . .but there is still so many random things all over the floors. . .hangers here, a belt there, trash around that corner, a stray sock under that shelf. I don't feel any more finished tonight than before I started today. I am doing a great job, though. I am packing what I want and getting rid of the extras. I won't have much random stuff to get rid of once I get to Durango. Thank goodness!

Today was our first official good-bye. Maggie had to say goodbye to her friend, Hally. We had a great afternoon: IMAX and Baskin Robins with the Blackwells (no dads, though). And then goodbye was YUCKY!!! It was MUCH harder than I thought it would be (for me). It was so hard to see my baby girl say goodbye to a good friend. It was hard knowing that Maggie may not have a friend like that for a while. A friend who is fun, sweet, easy to be around. . .a friend who loves the Lord. . .a friend with a mom that I just adore. It's just weird to think that Maggie and Hally won't be a part of each other's DAILY lives any more. Wow. I don't like this part of moving.

Beth and I had our goodbye lunch today. It was better than I thought it would be. . .of course, it isn't really goodbye because I'll see her probably ten more times before I move. That helped! It was nice to be to lunch with a friend. Melissa and I had our last "green chair" day. I totally blocked that out of my mind and it went great! Today was NOT the day that I was going to deal with that!

And then on a positive note. . .I had a GREAT moving day! I got a call today from one of my new Durango friends. She just called to see what she could do to help and to "check in" because she knew that we were on our way. It was so refreshing and so thoughtful! I am so thankful that I already have friends who care! I'm excited to see what God has in store for the new kid in town! Thanks, Jan, for extending your friendship my direction! I can't wait! (And Carrie, I am SO excited to be same-town-friends with you!)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Cute Flower Girl, Handsome Ring Bearer & Great Friends. . .

Brittany and Tim got married! She was beautiful!!! I had such a great weekend with fun friends and with my kids! My sister-in-law, Jennafer, made the trip to Texas with me and we had a blast! There were TONS of KCO people at the wedding and I loved it! It was nice to get away and not think about moving or "real" life for a couple of days! Gabby and Dax stole the show! You should have seen their moves on the dance floor! Oh my goodness! Enjoy the slideshow!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Today. . .

I think I dreamed about my son last night. I don't remember dreaming about him or anything about the dream. . .I just woke up thinking about my son and it wasn't Lionel. I can't really describe it. He doesn't have a face or a name or a personality or anything, but I had this sense of knowing my son and Lionel's face and personality wasn't associated with that knowing at all. Maybe I've totally gone off the deep end, but I woke up feeling emotionally refreshed in my mourning.

Today is a beautiful day. It is Spring. The dog woods are gorgeous and the red buds are out; all of my trees have buds or green leaves. I do feel refreshed and renewed like the Spring. I don't know what God has in store for me or who my son is, but I am ready to see what is in the distance.

Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement. In our continued hurting, your love has been and will be very appreciated and cherished! I have been blessed by my friends, those I know and love and those in the blogging world whom I have never met. Thanks for the posts and the comments and the texts and the phone calls! Thank you! I know different days will bring different hurt and confusion, but today is good.

Please continue to pray for my sweet Hays. Even the donut store put him into tears this morning. . . my tender hearted boy!

This Sunday, Pastor John used Hebrews 11:8 in his sermon and I thought it only applied to me as we move across the country and start our own camp in the unknown, but I think it also applies to my life on this adoption journey (I've highlighted parts myself): "By faith, Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going."

He also went to Proverbs 4:18, "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day." He reminded us that in the early morning light, even though we can see, we cannot see clearly and as the day brightens we get a more clear glimpse of what lies ahead of us. That is where I am. I know that God's plan for me is good and I know it is on the horizon, but in this dim light of adoption dawn, I can't really make it out! I cannot wait for NOON!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hays. . .

It is so tough to watch my boy's heart breaking. . .I pray this will be the last time, but I have a feeling it won't. Sweet, sweet boy!

**********

Also, I heard from Bishop today (via Becca). He thinks it will be extremely difficult to change any adoption laws, so Lionel's uncle changing his mind truly is a blessing. . .no matter how badly it hurts. I love to see God's timing as He works His plans in our lives.

Lionel. . .

I heard from Chantal and it was so good for her to acknowledge that our hearts are breaking. She did give me some good news, though. Lionel will be staying with New Hope Homes and he will get to continue to go to Sonrise School. I am so thankful for that!!! New Hope is his family and Sonrise is an amazing school! His uncle just wants to be able to visit him. I know that is good news! He is happy and thriving. It is just hard to hear that his uncle only wants to visit and not to bring him home into his family.

I told Chantal that I will continue to pray Proverbs 3:24 for Lionel as I have been, "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."

And In The Midst Of Bad News, Life Goes On. . .



I got the chance to tell Hays the sad news.  It was a tough conversation and his heart broke.  He is so gentle and compassionate and sweet.  We had some good tears together.  Thankfully, he is home from school today (sick) and so he is having the day to think about it and sleep on it.  

I just wanted to post the happy pictures of today.  In the midst of our hearts breaking, life does go on. . .the sun comes up. . .God has good in store for us.  I am ready to see WHO that good is!  I cannot wait to meet our boy. . .whoever he is. . .some little boy sleeping in a Kigali orphanage tonight.  Letting go is difficult, but it is also a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. . .the "not knowing" weight (and wait).  

Thank you, God, for loving me enough to give me the very best!  I wait on You expectantly!

The Door Has Been SLAMMED Shut!

Well, I got news from Rwanda this morning. . .and it isn't what I wanted to hear.  The director of Lionel's home emailed me and said that she heard from Lionel's uncle yesterday.  The uncle contacted Chantal to say that when he said Lionel could be adopted (this summer) that he wasn't in the right frame of mind because his son was dying.  He said that now he does not wish for Lionel to be adopted.  Her email did not say if the uncle was going to take Lionel out of the home, it just said that he did not give permission for him to be adopted.

It is an answer.  I've been praying for the door to swing wide open or to shut firmly and now the door is absolutely in a firm position.  So, on one hand, my prayers have been answered.  The waiting and not knowing was so hard on me. . . . but this is not the answer that I wanted and I am broken hearted.  Andy is in Colorado right now and I called him crying my little heart out.  I am so sad.  It just seemed like Lionel was so perfect for our family!  And my sadness is so far beyond just that--I don't want him taken out of Chantal's home and out of his wonderful boarding school.  He has such a wonderful life in Rwanda and I don't want him to lose that.  It is so difficult on so many different levels.

I am confident; however, that God has the best plan for his life and for our lives in mind!  I truly am.  Through my broken heart, I know that the right child is headed our way that that excites me. . .even though right now I don't want to be excited about anything.  I can't wait to see which child God has picked out for us.  I'm excited that we will be doing the process "right" and that we can use the "right" orphanage!  (Andy isn't 100% sold on continuing with the adoption yet.  He has valid reservations about bringing an unknown older child into our home.  I respect his reservations and I will continue to pray.)

So, please pray for the Braner family today.  Our hearts are broken.  I don't even know how I am going to tell Hays.  It makes me sick to think about it.  Please pray for healing.  Please pray for Andy as he wrestles with the decision to continue with the process.  Please pray that the nuns at the Catholic orphanage pick the perfect child to be a Braner (should Andy decide to move forward).

I am sad. . .so very sad. . .but hopeful.  I cannot wait to see what (who) God has in store for us and I cannot wait to see how our lives are enriched by this unknown boy!

I love Lionel, but I have to let him go.

(Wow, I just reread my post and it is SO much more chipper than I am feeling!)

Monday, April 20, 2009

ImageChef Word Mosaic - ImageChef.com
Thanks for the idea, Alexander Family!

If You Are Adopting A Girl From Africa. . .


Check out Gymboree's new line:  "desert flower."  SO CUTE for big girls and baby girls!!!

My Next Three Weeks

April 20-22. . .Pack
April 24. . .Gabby's Birthday
April 23-26. . .Texas for Tim & Brittany's Wedding
April 27-May 1. . .Pack
May 2. . .Going Away Party
May 3. . .Move
May 4-11. . .Find a House!!!!!
May 12. . .Staff Starts Arriving!!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Durango Coffee Company, Here I Come!!!


Today is the "friends and family" day of our garage sale (before the chaos of strangers arrive with the rising sun on Saturday). We are selling everything. . .okay, almost everything. But I am selling EVERYTHING from my kitchen because for YEARS I have been wanting to redo my kitchen with all new "stuff" from the Durango Coffee Company (on Main) and I am going to get the chance to do it! I cannot wait! (For those of you unfamiliar with the store, it is this wonderful coffee and tea store with the most wonderfully original kitchen items. They have everything from pretty measuring spoons and well-thought-through measuring cups to great looking mixing bowls and pretty kitchen towels. I love it!)

I have been through every cabinet and drawer and closet and under every bed and in the attic and I am EXHAUSTED, but I am ready for my sale! The weather man says rain on Saturday, but I'm hoping that means Saturday night. . .my garage cannot hold all it needs to! I even have little hospital booties for people to wear over their shoes in my house as they go through all the rooms looking at all of my furniture with price tags on it!

My AMAZING sister-in-law, Jennafer, has been working SO HARD helping me! She has been here for three days already and I see two more in her near future! What a blessing she has been! Thanks, Jen!

We had Adoption Fellowship Group last night and the house was packed! It was so much fun to just spend time with friends! I loved it! I loved all of the people in my house and all of the kids running around. I loved all of the food on my counter. I loved seeing everyone talk for two hours. We have a fun group of random strangers who have been brought together by the gift of adoption!

No news from Rwanda. Ihangane. Packing up your house and selling everything is a great help for keeping your mind off of the child that is missing from your home. . .except when three boxes of hand-me-downs are marked "Lionel" for the move!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Grab a BOX of Kleenex and Enjoy!!!


Every family needs to watch this! You will be blessed more than you know and maybe even inspired to do something. . .

Go to www.abc.com and then you have to click through a few pages to get to last night's episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but it is SO worth it! (The family has adopted six special needs children from China and they have one biological son.)

WONDERFUL!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

This is WONDERFUL!!! It is a little long, but so worth it! I got goose bumps and I may have even teared up!!! Enjoy!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Thanks for the Encouragement!

My last post was kind of depressing. Sorry. But I got some wonderful encouragement from some great friends from this life and some exciting friends from the Durango area who I cannot wait to meet! Thanks for encouraging me! I really appreciate it!

Packing is turning a corner. . .I think the light is really the end of the tunnel and not an oncoming train! Big day of it tomorrow!

No adoption news. . .ihangane. . .that's all I know!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Packing. . .

Well, I'm packing. I feel like I've been packing for two weeks. I've never really moved before and I had no idea what a big job packing up a family of six (seven really because I have three boxes for Lionel already) and a huge house could be. I am exhausted! Our big garage sale is this Saturday (Friday for friends and family) and we are hoping to sell almost everything!

I'm tired. I feel like I need to preface these next paragraphs with that fact. I'm tired and I'm overwhelmed. . .now here come the emotions. (Oh, and it is rainy and yucky outside.) I really want to move! I'm so excited about it! Starting over and living in Colorado and getting a new house (hopefully)!!! There are so many things I am excited about. . . . .

But. . .I'm so sad (back to the disclaimer above). I just want to curl up in bed and cry. (Maybe I should get some medication.) I have family here. I love my parents and my Gran'ma and Brady and Jen (when they're in town). I am so blessed by my family here in Branson. And my in-laws are just three and a half hours away. We are surrounded by family and they are such great family that being surrounded by them is a fantastic thing! I have super friends! Wow. I can't even type that without crying. I love my friends! I lived in Branson for thirty years before God gave me true girl friends! Beth, Melissa, Kelly, Becca, Rachel (just to name a few). They are all so dear to me and they know my heart. . .the yucky parts and the pretty parts and they still love me. I know I'll make new friends in Colorado, I already have one good one, but I'm nervous. I feel like I'll be moving into other people's lives and I don't want to disrupt that. I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be the new kid.

And then there is my Adoption Fellowship Group. . . . A group of people who were mostly strangers 18 months ago and I really like them! I look SO forward to our meetings every month (this Thursday is our last one)! As a matter of fact, it was "A Blissful Heart" that got me all sappy today in the first place. I just went blog hopping to check on how everyone was doing and I lost it. (Thanks, Kim!)

And, I want to move into a house. Here comes the super shallow part! I do. I want a home (and I want a pretty home. . .not big, just pretty). I would love to be able to pack up Maple Forest Lane and put it in a big truck and then meet the big truck at my new home (in Edgemont Highlands) and then unpack it. Unfortunately, we will be keeping everything in our garage and moving into our kamp cabin. We are so blessed to have a place to go and not have to own two houses! I know that! I just feel like as I'm packing up my family and my life, I would really like to NEST in Colorado and not just float! I want to nest and know where my life will actually be. What school district? What activities? Which ski slope should we get a season pass at? :) Should I plan on working out at the Rec Center every day so that I can be a fit Colorado chick or just continue with the Wii Fit and be a semi-fit transplanted midwestern girl? That's a dumb one, but it is one.

Anyway, I'm packing. Feel free to come help!

Quick question: when you wrap things in bubble wrap, do the bubbles go in or out? It's the simple things I wonder about, too!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ihangane

Ihangane. . .in Rwanda it means BE PATIENT! That is the news I am getting from Rwanda. I need to just be patient. The adoption issues are being worked on from different angles and I am just to be patient. So, there is my news for the day. . .and probably for the weekend since we are headed to Braner-land for Easter!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Little Smile From A Friend

My friend, Torree, who lived in Lionel's home this past summer sent me a little text today. It was nothing too big, but it made me (and my heart) smile. She just said, "Thinking about you and our boy today!"

Thanks, Torree! Me, too!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

For All You Families Waiting On Kids From Rwanda....


This entry, can FOR SURE apply to ANYONE, but it is especially for those adopting from Rwanda!

You MUST READ "Land of a Thousand Hills" by Rosamond Carr. It is the most beautiful picture of Rwanda. So many book written about the country are just about the ugly genocide and this book is SO MUCH MORE! We have to think about Rwanda beyond the genocide because they have come so far and they are so much more than just a country torn apart by murder. This books helps you to see Rwanda as the beautiful country it is! Please read it and make all of your loved ones read it so that they can fall in love with the country of your children, too!

Below is an excerpt from the book:

When Kenneth suggested that we move to Africa, everyone thought we were mad. At that time, however, I would have followed him anywhere. It was the summer of 1949, and it was the beginning of what was to become a lifetime adventure. It is true that I was very much in love with Kenneth, but this is really the story of a love affair between a woman and a country. It took some time for this love affair to take hold. But take hold it did, and it has been going on now for almost fifty years.

My name is Rosamond Halsey Carr and my home is in Rwanda, a small country in east central Africa. Rwanda is called "Land of a Thousand Hills" (or in French, "Mille Collines"), and much like the pattern of my life, its landscape is a tapestry of a thousand peaks and valleys that fill the horizon and beyond. The name is derived from the Virunga Mountains, a volcanic chain which forms the continental divide between the great Nile and Congo river basins. Rwanda lies just south of the Equator at an elevation of approximately five thousand feet. My home is a flower plantation called Mugongo, situated high in the foothills of the Virunga volcanoes at an elevation of seventy-eight hundred feet.

Rwanda is bounded on the west by Zaire, on the south by Burundi, on the east by Tanzania, and on the north by Uganda. The Rusizi River empties south from Lake Kivu to form its western boundary with Zaire. The southern region is scattered with numerous lakes and dense forests. To the east, a high plateau declines gently toward the low marshy plains and grassy savannas of the Akagera National Park and Adagera River, which empties in to Lake Victoria and forms its eastern boundary with Tanzania. The northern region is dominated by the lofty peaks of the Virunga volcanoes and encompasses some of the most fertile land in all of Africa.

Rwanda is one of the most densely populated countries in Africa, with a population of almost eight million people in an area of approximately ten thousand square miles. The capital city is Kigali, and the official languages are Kinyarwanda and French, although Swahili is widely spoken as well. Its fertile mountain slopes and grassy plains are home to three distinct ethnic groups. The Wahutu (Hutu), whose name translates to mean "cultivators," are of Bantu stock and make up approximately eighty-five percent of the population. The Watutsi (Tutsi) are the tribe of the feudal kings of Rwanda and make up less than fifteen percent of the population. They are a tall, nomadic people who are traditionally cattle herders and great warriors. The remaining one or two percent are the Batwa pygmies, who are hunters and potters and purveyors of magic spells. Collectively, they are known as the Banyaranda--the people of Rwanda.

It is generally believed that the Tutsi migrated to this region in the fifteenth century and established dominance over the agriculturalist Hutu by a series of land and cattle contracts. By the seventeenth century they had founded a kingdom encompassing the area surrounding what is now Kigali and the outlying Hutu communities. The Germans claimed Rwanda as part of German East Africa in 1890, but their presence and control were limited. Following World War I, Rwanda--along with neighboring Burundi--was assigned to Belgium as part of the League of Nations mandate (later the United Nations trust territory) of Ruanda-Urundi. The Belgians ruled indirectly through the Tutsi monarchy, but encouraged the rise of the Hutu lower classes. In 1959, war erupted between the Tutsi and the Hutu. As a result, the mwami (king) Kigeri V was deposed and forced into exile, and vast numbers of Tutsi fled to neighboring countries, setting the stage for much enmity and bloodshed in the decades to follow. Rwanda was declared a republic in January 1961 and became an independent country on July 1, 1962.

Rwanda in 1949 was a land of enchantment--a wilderness where people and animals lived in harmony untouched by the outside world. Shepherds led their cattle to drink at the lakes and pools until evening, when elephants began to migrate toward the watering holes to drink and bathe. Time was told by the sun, and the moon was the calendar. A house could be built in a few days, made from trees and bamboo gathered from the forests and roofed with grass. Men prayed that the weather would be favorable for their crops, young boys dreamed of owning large herds of cattle, and little girls cradled and sang to their dolls made of spiky flowers called red-hot pokers, imagining a baby of their own. The markets were social gathering places and trading centers where a finely woven grass mat was exchanged for forty pounds of potatoes or a basket for storing grain.

Many changes have taken place since I arrived here almost a half century ago. I have witnessed the decline and fall of colonialism in Africa and the emergence of the new and struggling African states. I have survived civil wars, revolutions, and one of the greatest human tragedies of our time, the genocide of 1994. More than once my home has been occupied by soldiers--some of them welcome, others not. The names of towns and countries have changed, and friends have come and gone. I have experienced great happiness and unbearable heartache. I have known extraordinary people and been witness to extraordinary events. I have sailed up the Congo River and camped in pygmy villages. I have attended the coronation of a Tutsi king and been a guest at the Presidential Palace. Elephants have roamed across my land, and I have communed with the mountain gorillas. I have seen the end of an era and the beginning of a new Rwanda, a country struggling to reconcile its traditional way of life with a new Africa at the dawn of the twenty-first century.

Yet, with all the changes, much has remained the same. Rwanda is still the most beautiful place on earth. My vine-covered cottage still sits on a rise surrounded by English gardens and towering hedges of hydrangeas. I still have no electricity or telephone. Food is prepared on a wood-burning stove, and the only light in the evenings is candlelight and kerosene lanterns. The chairs are African-made, laced with cowhide strips, and straw mats and goatskin rugs cover the floors. The workers still come each day to work in the fields, and every morning at my back door mothers line up with their sick babies waiting for me to treat their fevers and runny noses. The rocky road to Mugongo has, if anything, become more difficult to travel. But tea is still served at four, and every evening the crested cranes come to roost in the tufted leaves of the dracaena trees. Mikeno and Karisimbi rise majestically out of the mist to cast shadows across my land, and Nyiragongo, an active volcano, lights up the sky to the west each evening. On a clear day, I can still see Lake Kivu in the distance. And there are still more stars in the African night sky than in any other place on earth.

Today, Mugongo is filled with the sound of children's laughter and singing. This country that I love has given me much. Rwanda is my home, and it is here that I intend to spend the rest of my days. Its beauty is my inspiration. Its struggles have been my struggles. Its grief has been my deepest sorrow. Its people are my strength, and its children are my greatest joy.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Please, Lord, help the sermon from yesterday NOT be for me!!!

I was so excited to be at James River (our church) yesterday morning. Our pastor was back from being out of town and it is one of the last Sundays that we will be in town before we leave. I love our church! I love the worship! And I think that our Pastor, John Lindell, is the best Bible teacher that I have ever heard!!!

Anyway. . .Lionel. . .for those of you who haven't watched the Show Hope video that stars Lionel, then you need to watch it!!! Go to http://www.showhope.org/Resources/VideoLibrary.aspx and then scroll down and click on the last video, "Picture This." It is a great video for so many reasons, but mostly because in it, Andy and I get "matched" with Lionel. I cry EVERY time!

In the video, Steven Curtis mentions how important it is for orphans to be adopted so that they will have the opportunity to know Christ in a personal way. And I've been thinking about that because Lionel already has a beautiful relationship with the Lord. So, I have to ask myself why, really, should we adopt? Is it for a child to have a home with a loving (most of the time) mother and father or is it for them to be in a home where they can learn to love the Lord? Is it for family or for salvation? Lionel is in good hands. He is in a home where the people truly love him!!! New Hope Homes isn't an orphanage where the children are just another number. It is a group of homes where the children are loved and hugged and taught the love of the Lord. Lionel is also at a boarding school which is probably better than most schools in the US. The education he is getting is unbelievable!

Lionel is doing great in Rwanda! He has love. He has friends. He has education. He loves the Lord. So, I'm having these weird feelings. I think part of it is me "protecting" myself from the probability that we will get "bad" news back from Bishop or from the Minister about not being able to adopt Lionel. I'm sure part of this feeling is me protecting my heart. But I have to wonder if part of it is the Lord pushing my heart away from Lionel and towards another child. How can I know?

All of that to say. . .in church yesterday I was feeling this little weird tug on my heart while I was praying (the tug mentioned above). Then it was time for the sermon and Pastor John tells us to turn to Job 23 before we turn to Luke (we've been studying Luke for four years). The title of the sermon was "Turning Disappointment Into Devotion." That was all I needed to hear before I got all teary and I begged God that this sermon NOT be for me. . .I don't want bad news! I don't want to give up Lionel! I don't want that disappointment right now (or ever)!

The sermon was WONDERFUL!! It was so good and I learned so much about disappointment through Luke 24:13-36. That sermon is an entirely different blog post that I hope I won't have to give!

Anyway, those are my feelings. Am I emotionally distancing myself from Lionel in order to protect my heart? Or is God gently distancing my heart from Lionel to protect me? How can I tell the difference? I want Lionel to be my son. Is this only the desire of a mother's heart or is it actually God's will for our family? I guess I'll just have to hold on a while longer and see how many more doors get closed or swung wide open!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Gabby the DeeJay

video video
Gabby and Maggie are spending the weekend with the Nimrods and I know they're having a super time! Becca just sent me these two videos (they're short) of Gabby and they are HYSTERICAL! Thank you, Becca!!!

Hays is with my Gran'ma and I know they are having a fantastic time. He is so fortunate to have his great grandmother!!! And Dax is with us (he has a little fever) and having a chill time (see post below).

Leadership Weekend & A Nap in the Sun



It is a gorgeous weekend and it has been a great time of fellowship and summer planning. Our leadership team came in from Texas and Tennessee and Colorado to plan a great summer at KCO!!!

Meanwhile, Dax took a much needed nap outside. . .oh to be a kid again!! Life is good!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Camp Kivu

(Note: www.campkivu.com will be up and running after Easter!)

Well, the cat is officially out of the bag (the bag has been open for quite a while, but it is all official now). Dad wrote an email to all of the kamp parents telling them that after this summer Andy and I would no longer be with Kanakuk and that we were going to continue KCO as a different company. Then Andy announced today on his radio show that information with more details. We are "spreading our wings" and leaving the nest.

As I'm sure you all know, we are moving to Durango permanently on May 3rd. This will be the last summer that KCO is a part of Kanakuk Ministries. Andy and I have started our own 501(c)3 not for profit company and we will be running our camp under that umbrella. The camp will be called Camp Kivu. It will be very much like Kanakuk Colorado, but our plans for expansion and international growth will be much different than they could have been with Kanakuk. The camp will be the same location. It will run just about the same. Our mission will be very similar.

Why "Camp Kivu?" Kivu is a lake in Rwanda and we wanted to have something that was very important to us to be given a Rwandan name (just like our clothing company, AnNi Designs, has a Chinese name.) The name Camp Kivu doesn't limit the camp to any particular activity or to any particular destination. It seems out-doorsie and broad.

We are SO excited for our expansion plans. . .they are many, but the big two that we are the most excited about and that will be the first to happen are our Spring camp in the Philippines starting March 2010. We will have two one week sessions at El Nido Resorts (www.elnidoresorts.com). Campers can come alone or they can come with their families. It is going to be AMAZING! The other project is our Gap Year. We will take students after they graduate from high school and they will spend a year with us studying and traveling the world. It is going to be a great program!!!

Anyway, that is a quick run-down of our new camp. It is going to be a wonderful journey. We are sad to be leaving Branson and friends and family and Kanakuk, but it is time and I can't wait to see where the Lord leads us along the way!!!

My Sister-In-Law Is Blogging


I am so excited today because my sister-in-law, Missy, is blogging! She and her hubby and kids moved from Branson to Chicago (ish) last Fall and I have really been missing them! I hate it that I don't get to see her kids all of the time and that they are growing up without me watching! And now Missy is blogging and I will at least get to see her pictures and hear her stories about the days in the white house!!!! I couldn't be more excited! If you want to follow Missy's life, her blog is on my right sidebar under "non adoption blogs" (prayerfully that will change someday) and it is called "Life In A White House."

For those of you who don't know, my other sister-in-law, Jennafer has a blog on her band's website and her blog is in the same place as Missy's and it is called "Wrent." Check it out and check out www.wrentmusic.com for their new CD that just came out!!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Zero Depth. . .


So, in pools there is a shallow end and a deep end. In conversations and in blog content, there is shallow information and deep information. Well, in certain pools (usually the ones at the nicer resorts), there is zero depth. . .where the pool is a walk in pool that starts at zero depth (like the ocean) and then gradually gets deeper. This is more than shallow (but it is also a very nice touch when you have small children).

So, my entry today is less than shallow. It is zero depth!

I got a new case for my iPhone and I love it! It is so pretty and it feels great and it is different than the "normal" ones that you see every day. I love my new iPhone case. ZERO DEPTH!!!!